However difficult, the truth is always best

The BBC's Newsround programme came in for criticism this week over its coverage of the tragic death of popular children's TV presenter Mark Speight. Some parents were angry at the in-depth reporting, saying their youngsters had been left in tears.

Mark, who presented SMart and Smarteenies arts shows, was found hanged on Sunday, nearly four months after his fiancée, Natasha Collins, died following a drugs-and-drink session at their home.

One BBC Radio 2 listener phoned in to say: "I am sure a team of idiotic modern-day psychologists think it is normal and right to burden children with this terrible news. It is not." Another complained: "We live in a bad enough world as it is. It doesn't have to be rammed down our children's throats."

Telling children unpleasant and upsetting news is never easy, but horrible things do happen and shielding them from the dark side of life is unrealistic and can be counter-productive.

Failing to tell children of a certain age the truth about something not very nice is also patronising: it suggests they are unable to compute or cope with the information. Yet children are more resilient than we often give them credit for, and even if they don't fully understand the details or enormity of what they are told, they are likely to come to terms with it in their own way.

Far worse, I suggest, is to lie to them, because if they discover the truth later on, they may feel more traumatised because their sorrow is also mixed with the knowledge that their parents deceived them.

Separating parents may be tempted to gloss over the fact they are splitting up because they don't want to hurt their young children. I have written on this subject before, but I believe it's important enough to touch on it again.

While I fully understand that parents wish to protect their impressionable kids from the emotional fallout of divorce, some may not realise that honesty (and that doesn't mean going into all the gory details) is almost always the best policy.

Hearing parents "whispering in corners" or feeling they are being excluded from what is patently going on around them is likely to make a child more unhappy, confused and insecure than if they are told, as sensitively and simply as possible, what is happening.

Children, whatever their ages, are going to be upset when their parents divorce, but if the news is broken to them carefully, and they are kept abreast of subsequent arrangements and reassured how much they are loved, they will be more able to digest, a bit at a time, the change in their circumstances and therefore cope better with the upheaval.

My advice, then, is to tell the truth wherever possible – even if it's a watered-down truth. Most children, when they're old enough, will thank you for doing so.