Adultery can cause untold emotional pain - and a dose of "the clap"

When a client comes to see me about divorcing their partner because they've discovered he or she has been unfaithful, their pain is often red raw. They will usually dwell on the emotional and physical betrayal, and understandably so.

I am, of course, very sympathetic and willing to listen to them talk about their confusion and feelings of rejection.

However, I also feel duty-bound to raise the delicate matter of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). For if a husband or wife has committed adultery, it's at least possible, if not probable, that they have contracted an STI from his new partner without realising it.

Ironically, older age groups may be more at risk of getting - and so passing on - STIs because in their minds protective "barrier" contraception is linked with preventing unwanted pregnancy and very little else.

Finding out that your partner has bedded a prostitute might be particularly distasteful, but prostitutes - at least in some countries, such as the UK - are likely to use barrier methods of contraception to guard against sexual infection.

It is difficult to raise the possibility of STIs with mature clients, who may not have given it a thought, as it only adds to their anguish. Yet it is advice I make sure I always give - get yourself checked out to make sure you've not caught anything from your adulterous spouse.

It may be that a client is infected with an STI but doesn't recognise it as such. Thrush, for instance, can be transmitted sexually, but women might be baffled as to why they keep getting it.

At Benussi & Co, we have access to a private doctor, Dr Ted Hiscock, who specialises in sexual health and is very experienced in the treatment of STIs. He is extremely discreet and by referring clients to him it saves them the indignity of going to what used to be called the "pox" or "clap" clinic.

If you are a wife or husband who's recently discovered your spouse has slept with someone else, I would urge you to check you haven't caught anything nasty. They may have been unfaithful with only one person, but can they vouch for how many partners their new partner's had?

Next week: Dr Ted Hiscock talks about the risk of contracting STIs

We'll meet again - even if we don't want to

For men

Unexpectedly bumping into your ex-wife years after you last saw her can be an unsettling experience, particularly if either of you still harbours feelings of animosity or regret.

In such circumstances, women are more likely to fret that they’re not looking their best, whereas men will be less worried about their appearance. That’s because men are generally more confident about their looks – whether or not their girth has thickened or their pate has thinned in the intervening years.

However, outside their comfort zone, men can be socially gauche and to round a corner and find themselves face to face with their former partner may be an unnerving experience. A man might want to appear friendly, but awkwardness can render him monosyllabic if not downright rude.

As always, it’s wise to be prepared for the encounter. Women are particularly sensitive to body language, so you need to display an openness of manner, rather than giving the impression you’re trying to hide from her. Otherwise she’ll think you look cowed, shifty or like a politician!

It’s best to face your ex full on, planting your feet towards her, and give her a hug or a couple of air kisses – whichever seems more appropriate. Standing half turned away from her might leave her thinking you’re trying to escape, and she may be hurt by that.

Another thing to avoid is launching into a “haven’t I done well for myself” routine. Your sense of self-preservation may tempt you to tell her how fantastically your business is doing and what a great family man you’ve turned into, but she won’t want to hear that – no matter how she feels about you now.

My advice is to stay within the historical shape of your former relationship – in other words, stick to topics of conversation that you can both relate to. Inquire after your ex’s mother or sister; ask her how her job is going and if she’s still a member of the golf club. Don’t veer on to potentially sticky ground by asking if she’s happy or how her domestic arrangements have changed.

The reason it’s important to behave “well” in such circumstances is that it might be the last time you ever meet the woman to whom you were once married. Whatever happened between you, a lot of proverbial water will have flowed under the bridge since then and I doubt you’d want her abiding memory of you to be a negative one.

However discomfiting a chance meeting might be, it is likely to be relatively fleeting, so prepare to be magnanimous and apparently genuinely pleased to see her. You may be hurting inside, but if you carry it off, you’ll feel better in the long run.

• Next week: The first of a three-part blog discussing one of the more delicate aspects to divorce – sexually transmitted diseases