The expression “timing is everything” has come back to haunt Brian Myerson, a wealthy City tycoon who last month failed in his bid to renegotiate his multi-million pound divorce settlement on the grounds he had been wiped out by the recession. A judge told him he was responsible for agreeing the settlement and just because his shares had fallen in value since then, it didn’t mean he was legally entitled to change it.
The judge also issued a stark warning for fellow investors thinking about doing the same thing. They would all be "well advised to heed the warning that very few successful applications have been reported", he said.
Mr Myerson’s unsuccessful legal challenge may have put off some people, especially the rich, from beginning – or continuing – with divorce proceedings until the economy starts to recover. This would be a mistake.
For a start, no one knows for sure when the “green shoots of recovery” will emerge: predictions range from a year to 18 months, and even then they’re only educated guesses.
The divorce process can take up to two years to complete – longer in complicated cases – so if you’re planning a “recession divorce”, the time to be starting it is now.
Even more importantly, timing the completion of your divorce with the predicted end of the credit crunch makes psychological as well as economical sense, for it means you can move on in both your business and private lives.
I’m aware that some people are reluctant to begin proceedings at the moment, even though a fall-off in the value of their assets may result in a lower settlement to their spouse, and instead are waiting to see what will happen to the economy.
Wealthy entrepreneurs especially might believe they will lose out as much as their estranged partners in a recession-brokered settlement. They may also think they’ll feel stronger mentally to deal with the ending of their marriages once their beleaguered businesses return to profit.
Such procrastination is misguided, however. A good divorce lawyer will achieve the best settlement possible, recession or no recession, and if proceedings start now, they should be done and dusted by the time the downturn begins to up-turn. That means people can start afresh, with the gloom of the credit crunch and their divorces behind them.
To get your business back on track requires focus and energy: if you have to deal with a divorce as well, that focus and energy will be dissipated. Who wants to be in a situation where the economy is moving forward but you can’t because you’re being held back by fraught and complicated divorce proceedings?
Even in financially good times, many men say, post-divorce, that they need to go out
and make up the assets they have lost to their ex-wives: how much easier that is to do when the economy is healthy.
So if you’re hesitating about whether now is the right time to initiate a divorce proceeding, my advice is that, yes, it is! The coming months might be tough, emotionally and business-wise, but when it’s all over you will be ready to springboard into your new life.
Friday, May 01, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
How empty nesters can lead fuller lives
The start of the school summer term and for many teenagers it will be their last. Once it’s over and their exams are out of the way, they’ll be off to university or on a gap year abroad. Exciting prospects for them – but a gloomy one for parents who dread their “babies” flying the nest.
Empty Nest Syndrome has come to mean disenchanted couples rattling around a house that’s too big for them and with nothing to say to each other now the children aren’t around to provide topics of conversation.
Mothers who have devoted themselves to looking after the kids’ every need can be hit especially hard when the house is suddenly empty. Loneliness and a lack of purpose are common in this situation.
For couples whose relationship has been ailing for some time, an empty nest is likely to magnify their problems. Without the buffer of the kids, they are forced to confront the parlous state of their marriage.
However, an empty nest is what you make it. Viewed in a positive light, rather than a negative one, having your spouse to yourself again can actually save a struggling marriage.
The author Fay Weldon, writing in a national newspaper last year, pointed out that many women now have more in their lives than domestic drudgery – so once the children have gone they have more freedom to pursue their own interests without worrying about getting home to cook the tea or whether the ironing’s been done. What’s more, couples can concentrate on each other rather than being focused on the needs of the children.
“These days the mother is likely to have her own career, and she'll probably be wanting the deserted bedroom for a proper office at last (I'm writing this in my youngest son's former bedroom, it being the warmest room in the house and now used as an overflow office). Or perhaps the family, times being what they are, will need to take in a lodger to help pay off bills,” she said.
“The father today, meanwhile, will be conscious that these days women in their 50s are most likely to be the ones wanting a divorce – better to start afresh now that they have their own income and might even earn more than their husbands. So the men will be the ones on their best behaviour.”
Miss Weldon also refers to the stress of having teenagers around the house – the late night ‘phone calls requesting a lift home, the stroppiness and the trail of dirty laundry.
“Kindly Mother Nature evolved teenagers to be such a nuisance to parents that when they finally got to leave home, the parents would be relieved rather than grieved, would pull together in mutual relief at a job well done,” she wrote.
Researchers at the University of California agree with the author’s point of view. They found that rather than leading to dissatisfaction, loneliness and even divorce, Empty Nest Syndrome gives husbands and wives the time and space to be and grow together. Relationships can flourish rather than flounder.
So whilst it’s understandable to grieve for fledged babies, it is also wise to grasp the opportunities an empty nest affords. Research suggests that couples are happiest before children come along – which means they can be just as happy again after the kids have left home.
Empty Nest Syndrome has come to mean disenchanted couples rattling around a house that’s too big for them and with nothing to say to each other now the children aren’t around to provide topics of conversation.
Mothers who have devoted themselves to looking after the kids’ every need can be hit especially hard when the house is suddenly empty. Loneliness and a lack of purpose are common in this situation.
For couples whose relationship has been ailing for some time, an empty nest is likely to magnify their problems. Without the buffer of the kids, they are forced to confront the parlous state of their marriage.
However, an empty nest is what you make it. Viewed in a positive light, rather than a negative one, having your spouse to yourself again can actually save a struggling marriage.
The author Fay Weldon, writing in a national newspaper last year, pointed out that many women now have more in their lives than domestic drudgery – so once the children have gone they have more freedom to pursue their own interests without worrying about getting home to cook the tea or whether the ironing’s been done. What’s more, couples can concentrate on each other rather than being focused on the needs of the children.
“These days the mother is likely to have her own career, and she'll probably be wanting the deserted bedroom for a proper office at last (I'm writing this in my youngest son's former bedroom, it being the warmest room in the house and now used as an overflow office). Or perhaps the family, times being what they are, will need to take in a lodger to help pay off bills,” she said.
“The father today, meanwhile, will be conscious that these days women in their 50s are most likely to be the ones wanting a divorce – better to start afresh now that they have their own income and might even earn more than their husbands. So the men will be the ones on their best behaviour.”
Miss Weldon also refers to the stress of having teenagers around the house – the late night ‘phone calls requesting a lift home, the stroppiness and the trail of dirty laundry.
“Kindly Mother Nature evolved teenagers to be such a nuisance to parents that when they finally got to leave home, the parents would be relieved rather than grieved, would pull together in mutual relief at a job well done,” she wrote.
Researchers at the University of California agree with the author’s point of view. They found that rather than leading to dissatisfaction, loneliness and even divorce, Empty Nest Syndrome gives husbands and wives the time and space to be and grow together. Relationships can flourish rather than flounder.
So whilst it’s understandable to grieve for fledged babies, it is also wise to grasp the opportunities an empty nest affords. Research suggests that couples are happiest before children come along – which means they can be just as happy again after the kids have left home.
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