It’s snow joke – turn to your family for festive fun

I have long advocated meticulous planning to ensure Christmas isn’t as stressful and fraught as it might otherwise be: this year, however, even the best-laid plans are likely to have flown out of the window as a result of the “big freeze” gripping the country.

With no let-up in the icy conditions expected until at least Boxing Day, many people will be unable to make planned journeys to spend Christmas with friends and family.

Shopping sprees, supermarket trips and festive events have all been affected by the wintry conditions.

Although the weather has, in many ways, added to the stress of Christmas, it has also given us the excuse to simplify the Festive Season and, by so doing, allow us to enjoy the bit of it that really matters – being with your nearest and dearest.

It might seem like a disaster that online-ordered presents haven’t arrived; that granny and grandpa can’t make the trip or that the supermarket has sold out of fresh vegetables – but it really isn’t.

The word “austerity” was the most searched-for word in the world’s biggest online dictionary this year, it was reported this week – and Christmas, for many of us, is going to be that and more!

But financial austerity, coupled with disrupted plans, doesn’t have to spell misery. Quite the opposite: it can serve to focus our minds on what is really important, and that is close family. Last night, for example, I spent a lovely few hours playing picture dominoes with my seven-year-old granddaughter.

If your Christmas plans have been scuppered or curtailed by the weather, rather than gnash your teeth, concentrate on what you do have: your health (hopefully), your home, your partner and your children.

The influx of in-laws and assorted relatives is one of the biggest flash-points for marital disharmony over Christmas, so if your extended family can’t be with you, relish the simple enjoyment of being home alone with your immediate family. Even if your relationship with your partner is difficult, you might be pleasantly surprised to find that a slimmed-down Christmas puts the intimacy back into your marriage.

It’s a cliché, I know, but life’s simple pleasures are usually the best. So enjoy the snow, rather than fight it, and take the kids tobogganing instead of making up the spare room.

More importantly, though, set aside your differences and your resentments with your spouse and enjoy their company. Christmas might not turn out as planned, but it might be a whole load better!

How to survive Christmas if your marriage has hit an iceberg

My book, How NOT to get Divorced After Christmas, is a guide for couples on how to survive Yuletide with their marriage intact. But what if you have separated from your partner BEFORE the Festive Season?

Anyone facing their first Christmas without their spouse will undoubtedly find the coming holiday an ordeal. If there are children involved, the marriage breakdown is likely to cause even more heartache.

Yet, however difficult your circumstances, Christmas is going to happen – and it’s how you handle it that will make a difference, not only to the success or failure of the festivities but the way you approach the start of the new year.

The first – and most important – thing to do is to have a detailed plan and stick to it. Your instinct might be to bury your head under a duvet until Christmas is over, but it is much better psychologically to face the Festive Season head on.

If you have no children, there is no compulsion to deck the halls, lay on a feast and buy up the High Street. You could arrange to go to a friend or relative’s home and let them take the strain (and provide a shoulder to cry on!) Alternatively, you could invite another single friend or relative to spend Christmas with you. Another option is to go away – either on a health spa break (to be pampered rotten!) or a last-minute overseas package holiday.

If you have children, however, “escape” is less of an option and the arrangements need to be planned more carefully – with the youngsters’ needs and expectations in mind. Hard though it might be, you have to put your own unhappiness to one side and concentrate on making Christmas as fun and festive as possible for the kids.

However, that doesn’t mean going overboard with presents and activities. At such an uncertain period in their lives, the children will want you – and their other parent – more than they’ll want this year’s must-have toy.

So try to make Christmas as similar to previous years as you can; the children will be comforted by the same routine. Obviously, if your estranged partner wants to spend some of the holiday with them, then there is going to be a marked change in the arrangements. The key, then, is to ensure that change is organised with as little disruption as possible.

Discuss with your ex who is going to have the children on Christmas Day: do not arrange for one to have them for part of the day and arrange a “hand over” part way through. This will not only mess up the day, it will almost certainly compound the children’s feelings of insecurity.

If you’re not spending Christmas Day with the children, save the turkey and trimmings for Boxing Day or whenever they will be back with you: however strange it might be, they’ll undoubtedly enjoy having two Christmases!

The Christmas message is about peace and love, so try to make this Yuletide as harmonious as possible, even if you and your former partner are at loggerheads. And never forget that the best thing you can give your children this year is reassurance that you – and your ex – love them as much as ever and will always be there for them.

‘Tis the season to….have blazing family rows

The countdown is well under way: With only a fortnight to go before Christmas, most people have finalised their plans for how, where and with whom they will be spending the Festive Season.

As a result, some people will be excitedly looking forward to Christmas, but many others will be dreading it.

Yuletide, as I’ve detailed before on this blog and also in my book, How NOT To Get Divorced After Christmas, is one of the most stressful times of the year. It is supposed to be about love, peace and family togetherness, but it often turns out to be the opposite.

Two recent surveys confirm this: One, by Red Tractor beef and lamb, estimates that a third of men won’t lift a finger in the kitchen this Christmas. The reasons? A lack of confidence, previous failures and complicated recipes are the main ones they’ve come up with, along with the apparent belief that their other halves are happy to take care of the catering.

But the survey, published this week, also revealed that 50 per cent of women would like more help at Christmas.

As if this isn’t depressing enough, another study shows that a quarter of Britons argue over what to watch on television on Christmas Day, with most rows breaking out between 7pm and 9pm.

The survey, commissioned by TV channel GOLD, also showed that, incredibly, television is even behind arguments from 8am on the big day, with another flashpoint viewing time between 5pm and 6pm.

Family rows and men’s lack of domestic support are two of the main reasons why disharmony so often reigns at Christmas – and results in so many people filing for divorce in January.

But there are many other potential flashpoints: difficult in-laws, poor weather, anxiety over how much money has been lavished on the festivities and the particular problems faced by single parents, to name but a few.

Although Christmas Eve is only two weeks away, there is still time to revise your Yuletide plans. If you fear that you’ve taken on too much responsibility or have reluctantly issued invitations to relatives you really don’t want to spend time with, it would be wise to sit down and work out what changes you can make.

Women, who bear the brunt of the work and organisation, need to ensure that they have a good time as well as the rest of the family. That means delegating some of the chores and keeping meals as simple as possible.

After a year that has been difficult for many people, Christmas should be a time to put worries out of your mind for a few days and enjoy being with loved ones. So make sure that your plans for the Festive Season are designed to do just that.

Why a best possible divorce outcome needs strategic planning

The word “strategy” is used a lot in business. A company is “implementing a new business strategy” or a firm is conducting a “strategic overview”.

The dictionary definition of strategy is: a plan, method, or series of manoeuvres or stratagems for obtaining a specific goal or result: a strategy for getting ahead in the world.

I particularly like the last bit of this definition – “a strategy for getting ahead in the world”. For this is exactly what dedicated matrimonial lawyers do for their clients: they devise and implement a strategy that will help people get ahead in their new post-divorce lives.

When a new client comes to see us, we sit down and look at the big picture: What do they want from their divorce settlement? Where do they want to be in two years’ time? What do they want to be doing? How do they want to feel?

Once we have been able to draw that big picture, we put together a strategy for achieving it.

This might sound obvious, but, believe me, it’s not. Only dedicated divorce solicitors have the vision, expertise and experience to take the long-term view right from the start of the legal process.

At Benussi & Co, we know where our clients want to go and, from Day One, we have the journey mapped out in order to deliver them there. Everything we do on behalf of our clients thenceforth is part of that strategy.

The importance of devising and implementing a strategy is that it keeps everyone’s eyes on the long-term goal and prevents the divorce process from being railroaded by extraneous events or fluctuating emotional responses to the various legal steps along the way.

At times, this might mean that we take the difficult option or route rather than the seemingly easier one, but in the long run – because we have a strategy in place – we are able to reach the best possible settlement for our clients.

The road might have been harder and longer, but when the outcome is better – and the client happier – then the additional mileage was worth it.