Tweets maketh the man (or woman)

There is an expression, not heard often nowadays, that “you must know a man through all four seasons” before deciding whether he – or she, of course – is marriage material.

In other words, it takes at least a year to really get to know someone properly.

Yet we live in an increasingly “instant” world, where people seem less inclined to nurture a romance slowly, over a long period of time.

This may be more likely if you’ve come out of a marriage and want to find another, long-term partner but don’t want to spend months or years dating a succession of people who, ultimately, turn out to be unsuitable.

Whilst the “old-fashioned” method is probably the best in terms of discovering a potential spouse’s negative points, there is a way to use our culture of immediacy to your advantage when it comes to deciding whether the man or woman you’ve taken a shine to in the office is worth pursuing – follow them on Twitter or befriend them on Facebook.

A friend related this interesting tale: at a recent social event she met a man who was engaging, funny and successful. They had a good chat, flirted a little, and at the end of the evening swapped phone numbers. The woman was keen to see him again. She looked him up on Twitter and “followed” him; he followed her back. It seemed like a Liz Hurley-Shane Warne romance in the making. But in no time at all, the scales had fallen from her eyes and the attraction she felt towards the man evaporated into the ether.

“His tweets were horrendous,” she explained. “They were sexist, racist, boring and unfunny. What’s more, despite giving me the impression he was well educated, his grasp of basic grammar was virtually non-existent. Within days, the image I had of the man I had met was completely wiped away by the image of the man that he really must be – boorish, self-centred and utterly unattractive. I ‘unfollowed’ him pretty rapidly.”

Finding out almost instantly what the man was really like saved this friend from wasted dates and possibly a broken heart further down the line.

Social networking and micro-blogging sites, which have exploded in popularity over the past few years, give people the opportunity to post comments about themselves and their views of the world in a way that lulls them into a sense of anonymity. Hence, most users are far less circumspect than they would be if talking to someone fact to face. It is, therefore, more likely that their “true selves” will be revealed much more quickly.

At Benussi & Co, we caution clients to think very carefully about embarking on a new marriage soon after their divorce is settled: not only does it take time to come to terms with end of a relationship, it also takes time to really get to know someone new and be sure you’re not jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. From now on, perhaps we’ll recommend that if they can’t wait four seasons, at least follow someone on Twitter for a few weeks!