A friend of a friend has just announced she and her husband of 20 years are splitting up. They’ve been unhappy for a long time, by all accounts, and the general reaction has been “about time too”! As well as collective relief among family and friends, the general consensus is that this woman – just shy of her 50th birthday – is not so much closing the door on her old life as throwing open a window on to an exciting and sunny future.
I was told that one (happily married) friend commented, on hearing the news, that she felt “strangely envious” of someone who was “cutting loose”.
Divorce and separation are difficult and usually painful, but they can be energising and empowering too.
For many women- even in today’s enlightened times – marriage can be incredibly stifling. Even those whose relationships are happy can sometimes feel trapped by the weight of responsibility that goes hand in hand with maintaining a home, looking after children, caring for ageing parents and trying to keep a career going.
If a marriage is less-than-happy, those feelings of entrapment can run very deep.
Research is increasingly showing that middle-age – far from being the beginning of the end of good living – is the start of a richer, more carefree life.
A new study has found that hitting 40 is no longer the trigger for a mid-life crisis – rather a reason to enhance your life. Research carried out by Experian shows that 85 per cent of 40 to 59-year-olds are making significant changes to their home, family and work lives in preparation for living to a ripe age.
As a result, half of those who switched careers are now more fulfilled, with two in three having also made more friends.
Experian spokesman Peter Turner was quoted as saying: “People entering their late 40s in 2011 are still only halfway through their working lives. Far from throwing money at new toys in a ‘quick fix’, many are channelling their energy towards making positive, fulfilling changes.”
Deciding to exit a marriage that is no longer working is another way to give your life a positive makeover. While acknowledging that divorce, if not handled well, can be damaging to children, starting again on your own can be immensely liberating.
The woman I referred to at the start of this blog has, I’m told, started going out again with friends and colleagues after years of staying home to play the dutiful wife. She has had dinner with old boyfriends and thrown herself into her career, which for a long time she’d allowed to slide. Her children are on the brink of adulthood, so for the first time in two decades she is free to do what she wants to do and live as she pleases. I am told she is happier than she has been since her children were born.
No one should imagine that divorce is an easy option – whether you’ve been married three years or 30 – but as we can now expect to live way longer than our half-century, middle age is no time to give up on making significant changes to your lifestyle and relationships.
Starting afresh is always scary, but it can also – literally – give you a new lease of life.
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