Being a single parent at Christmas is hard – but there is much joy to be had

Countdown to Christmas.....20 days to go

By Georgina Burrows

Being a single parent isn’t easy – and it can be especially hard at Christmas.

Yet, even if you feel like hiding under a duvet for the duration of the festive season, there’s a pressure to go through the “isn’t this fantastic?” routine for the sake of the children.

I’m a mother to two daughters, a teenager and a seven-year-old, neither of whom have regular contact with their fathers.

I don’t have “switch-over” arrangements to make at Christmas and the girls and I always have a really good time, but when I’m on my own late on Christmas Eve, wrapping the last of the presents and eating the mince pie left out for Santa, I sometimes think how nice it would be if I had a partner to enjoy the moment with me.

What I find helps me is going to church on Christmas Day. Not only does it break up the day, it gives me and the children something other than cooking and unwrapping presents to focus on. Meeting other people, singing carols and listening to the Biblical story of Christmas – which says much about love and peace – never fails to lift my spirits.

In the run-up to Christmas, my children and I enjoy contemplating Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem by using our permanent Advent calendar as well as eating the chocolates from the commercial one.

I know that going to church is not for everyone and not everyone believes the Christmas story. But there are other things you can do to break up the long day or to ensure you have adult company, such as helping serve up Christmas dinner at a hostel for the homeless, popping round to visit a neighbour who’s on their own, or inviting someone who is alone to share Christmas lunch with you.

Because I have experienced life as a single parent, I can empathise with clients who are fearful about what life will be like when they have no partner to support them with the children on a daily basis. It’s tough not only when things are difficult; it’s also hard when life is good – and at times like Christmas – because you feel as though you have no one with whom to share the joy and excitement.
Feeling down and anxious, particularly at times such as Christmas, is normal. What is important is that you make use of everything that life puts in your path: even those experiences and feelings which feel bad now can be turned around in the fullness of time so that you grow and learn from them.

This year will be difficult for lots of families, especially those adjusting to new financial circumstances following separation.  My colleague Helen Jane Arnold made some wonderful suggestions a couple of weeks ago for inexpensive activities with the children to change the focus from receiving presents. What I and the children are doing this year is making paper chains from accumulated junk mail and giving Christmas “vouchers” as presents – such as “a meal at our house in January” – that are thoughtful and practical and cost time rather than money.

If this is the first year you have had to spend without the children because they are with their other parent, do not forget that Christmas is a season and not just one day.

You can have an alternate Christmas weekend with the children as suggested by Sylvie Sarabia but on Christmas Day. And, unless you really prefer your own company, try to find others to share your day with. If your family are not close, there are charities which need help at this time of year. I remember one very enjoyable year before I had children when I went into my local hospital for the day to help out with the hospital radio station. It was great fun and helped me to shift the focus from how I was feeling to others who were missing out on the normal activities.

Because I have done it, I can say that you will come out the other side of Christmas and you may even – when looking back – remember this year as the best Christmas ever.

• Georgina Burrows is a solicitor with Benussi & Co specialising in cases involving children