Marriage: sometimes it’s “can’t mend it, must end it”

Sir Paul Coleridge, one of the country’s most senior divorce judges, is to launch a pro-marriage pressure group.

The initiative, whose aim is to promote marriage and discourage divorce, is being supported by several MPs and campaigners.

The High Court judge believes marriage is better for children than cohabitation and is against divorce. His message is “mend it, don’t end it.”

Sir Paul, who sits in the High Court Family Division as Mr Justice Coleridge, will launch The Marriage Foundation in the spring.

It will be backed by influential legal figures and aims to provide information on the strengths of marriage, commission research and organise conferences. It will eventually lobby for pro-marriage policies.

This is, of course, a good idea, but it’s an aim shared by all dedicated divorce lawyers. There is, perhaps, an assumption that matrimonial law firms do little or nothing to persuade couples to stay together because they don’t want to lose business.

This is entirely wrong. At Benussi & Co, we do all we can to help clients rebuild their marriage rather than dissolve it. If we believe there is even the slimmest chance the relationship can be salvaged, we encourage the client to explore the possibility of rebuilding, rather than dismantling, the marriage.

Only recently we were instructed by three separate clients – all women – who had returned to us after gaps of three, seven and ten years respectively. All had gone away, several years ago, to give their marriages another go after we helped them realise there was hope for the relationship.

Now they have returned – because, despite their best efforts, the marriages proved to be unsustainable in the long term.

Sometimes, partnerships can’t be mended and have to be ended.

The truth is that people aren’t prepared to put up with bad behaviour as once they were. Women are no longer dependent upon men financially, so can afford to strike out alone if they are unhappy in their marriage.

Women, even more than men, are reluctant to walk away from marriage because they put so much into the relationships. When they do, finally, decide enough is enough, you can be fairly sure they have tried everything to make it work.

So, whilst Sir Paul’s pro-marriage foundation has to be a good thing, he and his supporters have to understand that there are times when “mend it, don’t end it” simply isn’t appropriate.