Benussi Blog - discreet divorce with care and compassion

Facing the temptations of Facebook: contacting old flames can give you burnt fingers

2012-01-23T15:00:00.000Z

A client recently described how she and her now-estranged husband used to sit up in bed together, their laptops in front of them, messaging people on Facebook. Not just innocent messaging, either – rather, flirting with old flames and newly-acquired “friends”. Eventually, her husband announced he was leaving her – for an old girlfriend he had re-met on the social networking site. Earlier

Marriage: sometimes it’s “can’t mend it, must end it”

2012-01-16T14:17:00.001Z

Sir Paul Coleridge, one of the country’s most senior divorce judges, is to launch a pro-marriage pressure group. The initiative, whose aim is to promote marriage and discourage divorce, is being supported by several MPs and campaigners. The High Court judge believes marriage is better for children than cohabitation and is against divorce. His message is “mend it, don’t end it.” Sir Paul,

A divorce lawyer’s view on marriage (after two months!)

2012-01-04T00:54:00.000Z

By Sue Leach. My husband and I have just spent our first Christmas together as husband and wife and have survived (and enjoyed!) just over two months of marriage. Although I always wanted to find and marry my soul-mate, I am only too aware of the pitfalls – after all, I deal with other people’s divorces and family breakdowns on a day-to-day basis. I see first hand the emotional and

Making small changes can have a big impact on your life

2011-12-19T02:00:00.000Z

Countdown to New Year.... 12 days to go By Neil Hobden Christmas is less than a week away, so by now you’ll have your plans for the festivities in place. In all likelihood, you’ll have New Year’s Eve sorted too. But have you planned for 2012? New Year is about far more than having a knees-up into the early hours of January 1. Whether or not you’re looking forward to Christmas and New

Money isn’t everything: a bit of R&R can be worth its weight in gold

2011-12-13T21:52:00.003Z

Countdown to Christmas……12 days to go By Denise McKenna For many families, this has been a difficult year. The global financial meltdown has caused serious difficulties for a lot of people – and is likely to continue to do so into 2012 and beyond. If money has been tight this year, Christmas may not be particularly welcome in your household. People have high expectations of the

Being a single parent at Christmas is hard – but there is much joy to be had

2011-12-05T01:00:00.000Z

Countdown to Christmas.....20 days to go By Georgina Burrows Being a single parent isn’t easy – and it can be especially hard at Christmas. Yet, even if you feel like hiding under a duvet for the duration of the festive season, there’s a pressure to go through the “isn’t this fantastic?” routine for the sake of the children. I’m a mother to two daughters, a teenager and a seven-year-old,

An “alternative” Christmas Day is far better than a disrupted one

2011-11-28T08:00:00.000Z

Countdown to Christmas…..25 days to go By Sylvie Sarabia Last year, a client told me she and her estranged husband had decided to spend Christmas Day together for the sake of the children. Afterwards, she admitted it had been horrendous. So this year….she’s doing the same thing again! Many newly- or soon-to-be-divorced couples opt to spend Christmas together for the children’s sake,

Christmas is for giving – but parents’ time is worth a million “must-have” toys

2011-11-21T12:05:00.001Z

Countdown to Christmas…..33 days to go By Helen Jane Arnold It’s important not to be diverted by the materialistic approach to Christmas – feeling pressured to spend lots of money on presents just because other parents are splashing out (or so your children would have you believe!) Not only does this send out the wrong message to children – it’s not what they want. They want time with their

Get planning now – and put children at the heart of the arrangements

2011-11-14T12:00:00.002Z

Countdown to Christmas…40 days to go By Diane Benussi Christmas is for children. If you are struggling to decide how to spend the Festive Season – especially if the family has been affected by divorce or separation – focus on what the kids would like to do. For me, the focus of Christmas is my eight-year-old granddaughter. Her mum is single; I am on my own, as is my son. So, this year, I cast

You’re getting divorced – but where should you get divorced? Ask a good lawyer

2011-11-02T09:44:00.002Z

You’ve decided to get divorced. Now you need to decide where to get divorced. The court does not have to be in your home town or city; indeed, it may not have to be in your home country either. An estranged wife who was born and grew up in Brazil, went to school in Switzerland and America, studied at university in Paris and worked in a gallery in New York has won the right to have her divorce

When the going gets tough – the tough turn to their partners

2011-10-27T16:19:00.002+01:00

The traditional excuse men use for having an affair is “my wife doesn’t understand me”. Now they have another reason: the recession. According to a survey, men who are under stress because of fears over job security and money during a harsh economic climate are more likely to cheat on their partners. Researchers from the University of Kansas in the US say this is because men go into survival

Money doesn’t bring happiness – riches (as well as poverty) lie within

2011-10-14T11:24:00.001+01:00

Dave and Angie Dawes have scooped £101 million on the Lottery and are planning to splash out on luxury homes in London and Portugal and a “glamorous” wedding , as well as giving away some of their winnings to friends. At the same time as the engaged couple from Wisbech, Cambridgeshire were popping the Champagne corks, it was announced that the UK’s jobless figure had reached a 17-year high.

Give yourself lots of TLC if you want to recover faster from divorce

2011-10-03T16:05:00.001+01:00

The breakdown of a long-term relationship is usually a miserable time. The collapse of a marriage can make you feel sad, resentful, lonely and under-confident. Many people blame themselves for what has happened. If only they’d been more loving/less of a nag, the relationship wouldn’t have foundered. As a result, it’s easy to become mired in feelings of self-reproach. Conversely, some people

Mind the gap – respecting your partner’s passions is key

2011-09-26T13:47:00.002+01:00

Gap years are usually associated with young people – school leavers who embark on a 12-month adventure before enrolling at university or joining the “real world” of work. But these days, according to a new report, it’s their 50-something parents who are more likely to take a year out. The survey, carried out by The Post Office Travel Insurance, found that with the soaring costs of going to

Middle age + divorce = an exciting new chapter in life

2011-09-17T10:47:00.001+01:00

A friend of a friend has just announced she and her husband of 20 years are splitting up. They’ve been unhappy for a long time, by all accounts, and the general reaction has been “about time too”! As well as collective relief among family and friends, the general consensus is that this woman – just shy of her 50th birthday – is not so much closing the door on her old life as throwing open a

If he’s hiding his assets…we will find them

2011-09-04T23:55:00.001+01:00

A survey of the country’s leading family law firms has found that husbands are hiding assets in nearly a third of divorce cases. Nearly all the 101 divorce lawyers surveyed – 94 per cent – said they believed there were assets, including cash, property, savings and shares, squirreled away in three out of ten of the cases they handled. Husbands tend to be the “culprits” in this because in the

Why it’s important to stay true to yourself

2011-08-23T22:08:00.001+01:00

Just as dogs are said to look like their owners, so couples who have been married a long time often resemble one another in appearance. Now a new study claims that not only might you start to look like your partner, you are also likely to pick up their bad habits. American researchers have found that if you marry a heavy smoker or a junk food addict, you’re at risk of developing the same vice.

Family breakdown didn’t cause the riots – but kids must come first

2011-08-17T23:32:00.001+01:00

The riots that brought madness and mayhem to the streets of our cities last week laid bare fractures in our society that Prime Minister David Cameron has chosen to label “broken Britain.” Inevitably, the disintegration of traditional family life has been singled out by politicians and commentators as one of the main triggers for the looting and violence. Single-parent families – especially

Marriage isn’t a bed of roses – so keep on gardening!

2011-08-10T22:58:00.001+01:00

You’re back from holiday and it’s been good in parts but fraught in others. You and your spouse wanted to do different things, snapped at each other too much and didn’t rediscover the romance you’d hoped you might. On the other hand, you both enjoyed watching the kids have fun; you enjoyed some pleasant-enough evenings on the balcony with a glass of wine and, all in all, it was okay. The

Think you’re smart? Divorce can change all that

2011-08-04T12:41:00.002+01:00

Humans, it seems, are as clever as they’re going to get. Cambridge University researchers claim that mankind’s brain power has reached its peak and it’s impossible for us to get any smarter. By analysing the brain’s structure and how much energy its cells use, scientists worked out that to become any more intelligent, the brain would need vast amounts of extra energy and oxygen – which we can’t

We’re all (not) going on a summer holiday

2011-07-26T20:51:00.003+01:00

It’s mid-summer, the kids have broken up from school, the sun has finally come out and you’re going…. precisely nowhere.Well, you’re not alone. Thousands of families will be staying at home this summer because they can’t afford to go on holiday. Or, if they can, work pressures have scuppered hopes for a fortnight’s getaway.Almost 40 per cent of Britons will stay at home this year rather than

Why unwedded bliss can lead to married misery

2011-07-20T10:16:00.002+01:00

Hollywood golden couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are reportedly getting married after six years and six children together. Labour leader Ed Miliband recently tied the knot with lawyer Justine Thornton, again after six years – although only two children – together. Couples who have shared a home for several years may decide to get married for a variety of reasons, but if they have children

Forget a night of passion – a kiss and cuddle work just as well

2011-07-12T16:16:00.001+01:00

Well, well; who would have thought it? According to a new study, men need to cuddle to be happy in a long-term relationship while women prefer to have sex. Researchers from the Kinsey Institute at America’s Indiana University have found that acts of affection such as hugs and kisses are more important to men than women. For women, sex tends to get better over time – after a couple have been

Rekindling the flames of passion might leave you badly burned

2011-07-07T09:49:00.002+01:00

Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton did it; so too did Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson. Now it appears unfaithful footballer Ashley Cole is determined to remarry ex-wife Cheryl less than a year after the couple divorced. But if the pair are hoping for a second-time-around happy-ever-after, they would be wise to consider the marital fate of other celebrity couples who have retied the knot. With

Don’t let the “sandwich” take the filling out of your marriage

2011-06-28T16:05:00.001+01:00

As the trend continues for couples to delay having children until their late 30s or early 40s – especially those who start second families – the so-called “sandwich generation” is on the rise.An increasing number of middle-aged men and women find themselves sandwiched between the responsibilities of bringing up young children and caring for elderly parents.Those responsibilities can not only

Too much of a good thing: most relationships need breathing space

2011-06-22T13:20:00.003+01:00

This week saw the start of Wimbledon – for many people a high point in the British sporting calendar. A few days ago, I was chatting about past players with an American friend, who recounted the story of how she once asked the legendary Bjorn Borg for an autograph at the US Open (he wasn’t very obliging, apparently). What also sticks in her mind is that he was wearing a T-shirt emblazoned

Don’t let the family pet become a bone of contention during divorce

2011-06-15T16:09:00.002+01:00

I have bought a puppy. Cassie is an adorable nine-week-old Spanish Water Dog and, I must confess, I’ve fallen hopelessly in love! My main reason for getting a dog is my young granddaughter. She loves animals and has long wanted a pet. Her mother works full-time, though, so it wouldn’t be practical. I, too, work, but I figured that “co-parenting” was an arrangement that would work quite well.

Tweets maketh the man (or woman)

2011-05-09T09:36:00.002+01:00

There is an expression, not heard often nowadays, that “you must know a man through all four seasons” before deciding whether he – or she, of course – is marriage material. In other words, it takes at least a year to really get to know someone properly. Yet we live in an increasingly “instant” world, where people seem less inclined to nurture a romance slowly, over a long period of time. This

Marriage is no fairytale – but it can be “happy ever after”

2011-05-03T14:08:00.002+01:00

It was, most people have agreed, a fairytale wedding. The bride looked stunningly beautiful; the groom immensely proud. The occasion was uplifting, the ceremony moving and the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge looked incredibly happy together. However, as the four-times wed Janet Street Porter said in a newspaper article, marriage is no fairytale. When all the excitement has died down and the

William and Kate's relationship provides some useful tips on a successful marriage

2011-04-27T15:58:00.002+01:00

On Friday, the world will watch an ordinary girl from the Home Counties become a princess when Catherine Middleton marries Prince William at Westminster Abbey. There can be no doubt this is a genuine love match – unlike the marriage of William’s parents nearly 30 years ago. As well as being a love story, the relationship of William and Kate is also a partnership of equals, as the historian

It’s not just young children who can suffer when parents part

2011-04-19T13:12:00.000+01:00

You often hear couples say they are staying together “for the sake of the children” – which generally means they have decided to continue with a marriage that isn’t working until their offspring have left home. The idea is that, by then, the kids will be all right. To a degree, this is true; but parents sometimes don’t realise how hard divorce can hit adult children. With an increasing number

Divorce is difficult for the parents too

2011-04-11T10:11:00.000+01:00

Strange as it might seem, often our first contact with a potential new client isn’t the client – but their parents. Worried and upset about their “child’s” decision to end their marriage, parents turn to us in a bid to gain a better insight into the ramifications of divorce and how they can help guide their son and daughter through the process. Recently we were contacted by a man in his 70s who

How divorce can cause physical as well as emotional pain

2011-04-04T12:45:00.003+01:00

The subject of last week’s blog was how it’s okay to be selfish after you’ve gone through divorce or separation: this week I want to talk more about why it’s important to put your needs first. Everyone knows that the breakdown of a long-term relationship causes emotional pain. Interestingly, though, scientists have shown that being rejected in love activates areas of the brain more usually

Divorce is a good time to be selfish!

2011-03-25T20:37:00.002Z

“Loneliness,” sang Bryan Ferry, “is a crowded room, full of open hearts turned to stone.” Being recently separated or divorced can be a very difficult time – ironically, made even harder by kindly-meant invitations to social gatherings. Being on your own at high-spirited events can be far more isolating and depressing than being at home alone. But many of those who have been through divorce

Gardening makes you happy and keeps you healthy

2011-03-18T09:00:00.001Z

Spring has arrived! The days are lengthening, the temperatures rising and the skies brightening. More importantly, the spring flowers are starting to bloom. Daffodils, crocus, tulips and primroses are carpeting gardens, parks and roadsides. The beginning of spring is when the green-fingered amongst us head into the garden to start weeding, pruning and planting. Fresh air and exercise, getting

Giving your child 15 minutes of your undivided attention each day can make a world of difference

2011-03-11T08:05:00.002Z

Most parents feel guilty about not spending enough “quality” time with their children. Even those who believe they are with their kids a lot don’t necessarily give them their full attention. The television is on or the parent is cooking while the child is doing their homework. Giving time and attention to children can be particularly hard if you’re a divorced parent holding down a full-time

Over 50 isn’t over the hill – why older divorcees can have more fun

2011-02-25T14:46:00.000Z

A new online survey by the over-50s group Saga reveals that older people are having the times of their lives – not least between the sheets! Freed from the emotional and financial insecurities that can beset their younger years, Britain’s 50-somethings are said to be increasingly content with their health, relationships and – most of all – their sex lives. The survey of 35,000 Britons,

However you choose to “reinvent” yourself after divorce, do it for YOU

2011-02-18T16:59:00.001Z

According to figures published this month, a growing number of divorcees are seeking “revenge surgery” to get their own back on their former partners and restore their bodies to how they were before they had children. Transform Cosmetic Surgery group reports that more than a quarter (26 per cent) of its patients are newly-divorced women – a rise of 62 per cent in a year. Perhaps even more

Round table meetings can help straighten out the lines of battle

2011-02-11T11:07:00.001Z

One of the hardest things about the divorce process can be the time it takes to reach a financial settlement. At Benussi & Co, we focus on trying to bring the legal procedure to as swift a conclusion as possible. One way to do this is by arranging “round table” meetings – relatively informal get-togethers between the two parties and their respective legal teams to discuss matters. These

It’s a win-win: how soft skills-training helps both lawyers and clients

2011-02-04T22:25:00.001Z

The phrase “in-house training” has such a corporate ring to it as to make the exercise sound more than a little dull! At Benussi & Co, that couldn’t be further from the truth. We hold training sessions for our staff every Wednesday, over a sandwich lunch, and they are always lively and extremely productive. What’s more, our clients benefit: not only does regular training enable us to improve

Save your marriage – and hang on to your money

2011-01-28T07:49:00.001Z

Marco Pierre White and his wife Mati are said to have run up an estimated £3 million in legal bills in their long-running and acrimonious attempt to end their marriage. While this is a huge amount of money, it’s a relatively modest sum compared to the value of Marco’s business empire, which is thought to be about £50 million. A divorce, after 17 years and three children together, could cost

Don’t rush into love on the rebound

2011-01-21T10:29:00.001Z

So the ubiquitous Katie Price – aka the model “Jordan” – has announced her separation from second husband Alex Reid. The couple have been married less than a year, after tying the knot in Las Vegas. In a statement released this week, Miss Price said: “Alex and I have had a number of difficulties over the past few months. “I accept that these were in part caused by my marrying too quickly – we

Why a good divorce lawyer is better than the State

2011-01-14T09:27:00.001Z

The Government is drawing up proposals to intervene in couples’ divorce plans. The idea is that experts will sit down and explain the consequences of breaking up, focusing on the likely damage to children and the couple’s future financial situation. Those who then go ahead with the divorce will be charged a fee if they want the state to sort out child maintenance arrangements. The measures,

Smell the coffee – and get the best start to your divorce proceedings

2011-01-07T14:47:00.002Z

Walking into the offices of a solicitors’ firm for the first time can be a horrible experience – especially when the reason for your visit is to launch divorce proceedings. You are likely to feel daunted, anxious and alone. So, to make new clients feel cherished and valued, Benussi & Co has just installed an espresso machine in the reception area (very like the one advertised by the gorgeous

It’s snow joke – turn to your family for festive fun

2010-12-23T21:18:00.002Z